Thank You for Your Service?

As with all blogposts, this one will resonate strongly, moderately, mildly or not at all with some of you.  Please note that although I am using the United States armed forces as the central organizing element, you can deduce obvious and important non-military conclusions from what I write here.  Although I will try to be as objective as I can, having spent four years as a Marine, you legitimately can question some of what I am about to say. 

During my psychology practice of over 40 years, I have treated thousands of patients with all kinds of cognitive and emotional challenges.  Many were veterans from World War II, Korea, Viet Nam, and the Middle East.  Only those from “Nam” returned to face jeers, bias, or indifference.  And, although I have heard the same basic complaint from all veterans of all the wars, those from Viet Nam have voiced it most often and most stridently.

The complaint is about being told “Thank you for your service.”  Surprised?  Perhaps you are; it seems to be a counterintuitive, harsh reaction to a gracious remark.  Why not be grateful ?”  The vets experience no gratitude due to the way they contextualize the “thanks.”  

Veterans sometimes tell me that they regard the “gracious” remark as hollow, mechanical, and generally unconvincing.  Sometimes they say that it is the subsequent sequence of interpersonal events that irritates them, especially when it involves a salesperson or institutional provider.  For instance, after the thanks,  the thanker might adopt a condescending, arrogant, or other negative tone when the veteran expresses an opinion or request.  Some vets say that the shift frequently is so abrupt that it almost shocks them.

If you are thinking that people always have uttered disingenuous, insincere comments encouraged by their culture, I agree.  In the 21st  century, however, disingenuous, insincere comments have acquired a significance very far beyond their value. Today, many people are hyperattentive to learning, practicing, and broadcasting any verbal behavior that will enhance their status.  Scan the media and/or internet and you readily can determine what is the current self-enhancing verbal meme.

Almost everyone reading this blog knows the definition of a "meme" but, just in case someone is unsure, the dictionary definition is "an element of a culture or system of behavior that may be considered to be passed from one individual to another by nongenetic means, especially imitation."  I must add, however, that the particulars of culture vary within subgroups, and, therefore, so do some memes. That certainly is true for political subcultures wherein one will promote words, phrases, and practices diametrically opposed to the other. For instance, one party's members might regard something as unamerican that another party's members believe is elementally American.

Try, at least occasionally, to listen carefully to yourself.  Determine where you got  your voiced memes and meme sound-alikes, and whether they truly express your views. Do this especially when you converse with someone "different" from you. Don't presume that following your sub-culture speak will ennoble you.  Know that it is not only veterans who recognize and are troubled by disingenuous, insincere speech and trite statements.  Recognize that parroting the meme of the month does nothing substantial for you or your loved ones.  Perhaps. rather than following the language of one or another person or group, you would prefer to think and speak in ways true to yourself.  And, please, don't tell a veteran, "Thanks for your service" unless you really, really mean it.